but nothing important. Just the thoughts that have been rattling around my brain as of late.

first thought:

Why do women think it’s so funny and cute to participate in the facebook status update “i like it on the_____.”

Last year it was about the color of the bra you are wearing, which actually has relevance to Breast Cancer Awareness Month. This year, they kept with the risque secretive theme, but ditched the relevance to boobs altogether.

HOW, I ask of you, is posting where you like your PURSE kept in your home have ANY relevance to breast cancer awareness??

I think Ya’ll just want an excuse to be cheeky, just to get your giggles. Well okay that’s great, but if you really want to raise awareness how bout change your profile pic to a pink ribbon, or post a link to a breast cancer awareness site? anything that is actually relevant would be super. 🙂 I have nothing against being clever and I am also occasionally cheeky, but I think a lot of women don’t realize that when they post it to be funny….there’s a LOT of people on their friends list who just got a certain image of them in their minds, and If you knew what they were thinking you’d probably wish you hadn’t posted it. just sayin….

second thought: I’m not a big conspiracy theorist, but i honestly believe we have the cure for cancer out there somewhere, but someone was either paid off, or…”offed” to keep it unknown because too many people would lose their livelihoods, jobs, and buildings dedicated for the sole purpose of cancer research, treatment, support groups, what have you…..

anyway that’s all the time we have here on Conspiracy Corner with Holly Bowles….

third thought:

Do you ever feel like you have Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personality sometimes?

A good friend and I were discussing what our Jekyll/Hyde’s were, and how we each struggle with a similar situation.

When we’re out being social and cracking  jokes—being a goofball for the sake of a good time, there is a nagging “where has you’re depth gone” and the introverted, reflective Holly decides they don’t want to get lost in the extroverted, class clown Holly. And then when I am having moments of solitude and seriousness, I sometimes hear my other me, screaming “DON’T FORGET ABOUT ME, YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!”

There are other aspects and black/white scenarios for me as well, but those are the most generic I can give to relate with you.

My friends asked me tonight: “Ever felt like you’ve become two different people, and you’re not sure which was the original? Social clown / melancholy loner…I’m not sure which one is the lie.”

To which I answered: “All the time. But I found that the more you realize neither one of them is a lie…..but each a part of who you are….the easier it is to be comfortable in your own skin ”

The tricky part is finding the right balance of the two opposites. Just when I found my balance, though, we moved and have started a new social life, so I have very few friends here who I can hang out and be truly social with….which is smothering out the spark of my extrovert side….Once again, I find myself in big social situations and it feels like the introvert it clawing at me, like an animal caught In a cage, trying to dig it’s way out to safety. My anxiety is getting worse, and I am slowly feeling the panic attack symptoms creep of on me AGAIN. I have not had one in a long time, and I was very proud of that, being able to get a control of it, not with medicine, but with prayer, and meditation-like techniqes. I made my own mantra to repeat over and over in my head to snap out of it, and it worked!  But now it’s starting to become even more difficult to keep the panic attacks at bay. *sigh*

I need to find my balance again, and this time, learn how to keep it in a social/lifestyle transition, because we are only here in Lincoln until May-ish…and perhaps even less time, who knows.

But I suppose I can fill you in on the progress and share any techniques i will have found that help along the way.

In other news:

Todays big sunday school lesson went over so well with the kids and parents and sponsors. I’m glad they loved it, because we had so much fun creating it.

In case you did not hear, Clint and I created the lesson for Sunday, about Enoch. We decided to present it via a mock newscast. We pre recorded/edited the “on field reports” and today Clint was onstage as “Harry Herpleschiemer”  the news anchor and then we just played the “live” broadcast of the interviews on the projector….. then, today we recorded the whole thing LIVE all put together…. Once the final cut is edited and uploaded, I will be posting the link to it on here and my facebook, so keep a lookout for it.

I got a call from my brother Travis last night on the way home from our incredible weekend with friends….it was a perfect way to conclude the trip. even though i didnt see him, the fact that he called me just to chat, made my day. That is something i will always regret not doing enough of with Kyle…

we have seemingly polar opposite views of how a sunday service should go…but honestly it’s all just a preference thing, and not really a matter of salvation. he’s all about tradition, and reverence, and dislikes the “rock-n-roll//jesus is my best bud” I can understand and sooooomewhat agree with it, but in my opinion, you have to find a balance of reverence and RELEVANCE. that’s why we’re so opposite minded because I’m trying to reach young kids, while he is ever growing in his own personal faith.. so there’s obviously two separate mindsets there. But the good thing is….i feel like i finally articulated how i feel about it, well enough to where it’s not just dismissively disagreeing anymore, he actually respects me for my views…i’ve always had a hard time articulating exactly what it is i believe about a certian aspect of Christianity, so now that i successfully conveyed it to him it seems less shallow to him i guess.  My brothers opinion will always matter to me. I recieved my associates degree  partly due to a promise I had with Travis and Kyle, and I’m proud that I kept that promise. 🙂 Never underestimate the power of family. 🙂

Well, I am going to have Dexter marathon…it’s incredibly exciting! 🙂

Tomorrow Is my day off, so perhaps I’ll be back then with more musings.

Liebe! ❤


It’s 1:40 am– Do you know where your dreams are?

Seriously. Why am I still awake? Mondays are always the worst days working at the daycare. all the toddlers are used to spending all day with their family, and then they get woke up at an obscene hour of the morning to be abandoned by their parents…..again. So there’s crying, and grouchiness, and just a lot of belly achin’ on mondays so again, i ask WHY AM I AWAKE!?

I’m restless.